Today was a very emotional day for us. I noticed on Thursday that Tink was looking unlike herself, she looked tired to me, as if in a daze. At least twice I noted that she was upright, standing, but she was closing her eyes. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I had canceled Brian's therapy sessions for Wednesday & Thursday because I wanted to introduce him to the potty. Wednesday, I sat him on the potty multiple times; I couldn't do it many times as I had originally planned because I was alone with him and I had dishes to wash and meals to cook and Brian's messes to clean up.
On Thursday, while I was working on chores, he decided that he wanted to go outside, but I couldn't go with him because I was working on chores, and as Daddy was at work, that left Tink as his sole companion and he asked her to go out with him, "Tink, outside. Tink outside," he cried and I told Tink to go out in to the yard with Brian but she was reluctant. I had to pick her up and put her on the patio but she wasn't interested in staying out when Brian wanted her there.
I was too busy to notice that she was growing sick and for that I am very sorry. On Friday, Brian was scheduled to go to the center. Jeff was off that day, so he took Brian to the center on Friday and that allowed me to catch up on some much-needed sleep until they returned home. Brian was due for a nap after his session at the center and Jeff had made plans to meet with friends. Once Brian was asleep, I came out to the family room where it wasn't long before I noticed that Tink was sick. It was then that it made sense to me that she was showing signs of illness the day before, so I called Jeff and asked him to take Tink to the veterinarian while I stayed with Brian at home.
Jeff wasn't happy to cancel his plans, but he agreed to take Tink to the veterinarian. At the clinic, he was upset to be given a $700 estimate in order to try to figure out what the matter was with Tink. He agreed to have her blood analyzed, but her blood work came back clear, so they told Jeff that without further analysis, it wouldn't be easy to identify Tink's problem. They also suggested that perhaps Tink had an upset stomach, and it's true that there were probably a couple of nights on which I could tell that she had an upset stomach that week. I even complained to Jeff about the smells in the bedroom because it smelled like poop.
As Tink was not prescribed any medication, that evening we went to the store to look for ingredients to make her bone broth at home, hoping that that would bring Tink some comfort and relief. She hadn't been moving much that day, but we grew encouraged when she came to be near us, she was walking slowly and wagging her tail when we spoke to her.
Saturday, however, Tink didn't improve. She continued to spend most of her time lying down and she appeared to arbitrarily come in and out of the house, as if she was so uncomfortable that she couldn't decide where she would feel her best. I thought that if she didn't show improvement that day she should be taken back to the clinic on Sunday but Jeff didn't want to take her until Monday. Saturday was also a tiring day for us because we were out of the house until the afternoon for my clinical appointment.
Saturday night, Jeff commented that Tink looked bent out of shape. I just thought she looked awkward because she was uncomfortable and she was moving very gingerly, but by Sunday it was clear that her back was misshapen. Jeff had also gone to get her on Sunday morning from her dog house out on the patio. He thinks that she had spent the cool spring night in her dog house. When I went to bed late on Saturday, Tink was in one her pet beds. I didn't hear the pet door swing while I waited to fall asleep.
On Sunday, Tink drank more bone broth from me than she had the day before and we continued to feed her chicken that we had cooked for ourselves. She came looking for food in the evening.
I was beginning to think that we might lose Tink, so during the day, I had held her in my arms while Brian slept and I told her how precious she was and that I was grateful for all she had given our family. I told her to "fight" it if she wanted to stay, but that I understood if she would prefer to go. We hadn't given her or Pip the attention and care that they had had before our son was born; our circumstances had changed and unfortunately, we no longer had much time for them.
Sunday night, after Brian fell asleep, I brought Tink to lay beside me on the guest bed. Jeff and I had held her in our arms for short periods while she was sick on Sunday and she seemed comforted. I had wanted to hold her more than I did, but I could not do it. We still had a young child to care for at home, after all.
After having been taken to the clinic on Friday, Jeff noted that Tink was now also in pain. I don't remember if he noticed that on Friday evening or on Saturday. She had grown worse. The veterinarian didn't get to learn that she was in pain or that her body had become misshapen because this occurred after Tink's examination.
I couldn't sleep Sunday night, while Tink lay beside me, because I couldn't stop crying. When I finally began to grow very tired, I was repeatedly awoken by Tink's panting, which only worried me further. A couple of times, I went to tell Jeff, who was asleep, that Tink wasn't doing well. Jeff told me that he would take Tink back to the clinic on Monday morning.
I just could not fall asleep with Tink's intermittent panting beside me so I went in to our bedroom and asked Jeff to switch places with me in the early morning. I fell asleep late Monday morning and at some point Jeff awoke me to tell me that he was going to take Tink to the clinic. Brian and I continued sleeping.
After 9 AM Brian awoke me. I was so exhausted that I didn't want to wake. Once awake, I called Jeff to find out how it was going. He told me that he was at the clinic and that he would call me shortly. He called me about 20 minutes later to tell me that he had made the decision to put Tink down. She had made no progress since the night before and looked miserable. Despite the newer symptoms that she was not showing on Friday afternoon, the veterinarian could not identify the exact cause of Tink's condition. She said that it could have been a number of things that were occurring with Tink and she suggested pain medication to relieve her discomfort while they continued to try to identify the problem and appropriate treatment, but Tink had had an awful night; an awful weekend and it just didn't seem prudent to allow her to continue in this manner.
I would have wanted to be one who held her while she crossed in to the next world. She was the most incredibly sweet and loving companion. She was always by my side, if not in the same room. She never stopped loving me, even when I most certainly did not deserve her love. She was my only friend and source of comfort when I felt most lonely. I'm going to miss her; we're going to miss her terribly. We love you, Tink, forever and ever, you're in our hearts. Goodbye for now, sweet girl.
Brian UPDATE:
Brian's chatting a lot more.
He asked Daddy, "Where did Mama go?" when he was looking for me today after his nap.
When we told him that Tink was gone, he went to the window to look for her. We then told him that Tink had said goodbye to us, so he asked, "Where did Tink go?'
As I was preparing him for bed, he asked again, "Where did Tink go?" Daddy told him that Tink went to heaven. We told him that we had to say goodbye to Pip, too, but that we'll all be reunited again in time.
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